Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
