we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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