You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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