i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
