Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
