he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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