Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
