i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
