i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
