I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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