i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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