this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
