I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
