remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
