it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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