and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am one with the molecules
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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