Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
