Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
