I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am one with the molecules
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
