im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
