roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We need a shit load of segways right now
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
