If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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