girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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