You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
