I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Shame - the story of my life.
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