If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
