I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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