u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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