so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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