Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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