I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
