Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
