can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
