We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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