Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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