OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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