he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
