so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
there is glitter all over my balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
