Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
