i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
