omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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