Tell her she can't have a vagina
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
