My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
