"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cockslap morals
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
