so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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