Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
