can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All the doctor said was why
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
