that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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