I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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