Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
