There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
