So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
