I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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